Chapter 1

Act One, Scene Me

Tuesday, 3:41 p.m. (the drama block steps, where everything important happens)

Dear Diary,

I'm going to be honest with you from the start, because that's the kind of relationship I want us to have. I did not buy you. Nan did. She said, "Saffron, you need somewhere to put all that," and waved her hand at my whole body, which I chose to take as a compliment.

You are pink. You have a gold lock. The key is already on my scarf. I think we're going to be fine.

Let me set the scene, since you're new.

SAFFY! The Diary of the Drama Queen

I'm going to describe how I walked to the notice board, because it matters. I did not rush. Rushing is for people who don't know what the piece of paper says. I walked slowly, scarf trailing, beret at the angle that says "I have read books you haven't," and I let a Year 8 get there first so I could watch her face when she saw my name at the top.

Her face did not do anything.

I thought: she's a Year 8, she doesn't understand how cast lists work.

Then I read it myself.